andy warhol wrote my bible.

“Whenever I’m interested in something, I know the timing’s off, because I’m always interested in the right thing at the wrong time.”
-Andy Warhol

Boo hoo, Marissa.

I criticize myself for constantly and hopelessly writing about C. I’m okay. I am a happy person. My personality is constantly reflected in how I carry myself. My mind, however, as jolly as my height, seems to be swirling with these romanticized thoughts of C. If he doesn’t like me back as more than a “buddy,” than why can I not force myself to forget him as anything more than “fun.”

Because it was never just “fun” to me.

Regardless, all that C could physically be to me was just that, physical. No emotional attachment, no feelings; just a romantic booty call.

Get over it.
Get over it.
Get over it.
HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU BACK.

And still, in spite of the fact that he juggled my heart and threw it through a gunshot-proof window, shattering the unbreakable glass, sending shards deep into the depths of my heart, I still think he is wonderful. He never meant to do it. No, someone else had thrown his heart through an even thicker gunshot-proof window, causing him to shy away from any sort of attachment to anyone else but her. It will always be her to C, and it will always be C to me.

Well, hopefully not always.

I have been reading this book called The Philosophy of Andy Warhol, by, you guessed it, Andy Warhol. It is a bible of his thoughts, perspectives, and life experiences. It is compelling. It is intriguing. It is inspirational. If I had a book club like Oprah, it would be at the top of my list.

The Philosophy is absolutely incredible.

Warhol makes you think about everyday occurences in a completely different manner; he makes you view everything with a different eye. The book has this theraputic aura (which Warhol would rebuttle).
It has become my bible. I want to live my life like he did, worries as rare as a blue moon.

Maybe I’ll be able to convince myself that C was just bad timing. Maybe I will be able to say “So what” to every problem in my life, like Warhol did: “C doesn’t like you back, Marissa.” “SO WHAT.”

(I think Tyra Banks promotes that on her show, too…but she’s a self publicizing tyraNT.)

But I believe in love and fate and destiny; my sole sources of spirituality. If C was just bad timing, then maybe he wasn’t actually bad timing, but he was just never meant to be.

It was never meant to be.

And yet how can I picture his eyes and his body enveloping me, and it isn’t meant to be; it isn’t my destiny?

Is there a such thing as one-sided destiny, in which one person is destined to be with another, but the counter isn’t destined to be with him/her?

I make my “like” sound like “love.” Let me be clear: it is like; it is NOT love. You can’t love someone unless he/she loves you back. There is only one in love per soul. I’m just scared I willl never find it.

I’ve been told that love is the scariest thing in our lives, because it is the only thing that is out of our control.

I agree.